Here are two lists: the EMOTICONS one and the Unofficial Smilie Dictionary. We don't really remember where these came from, but suffice to say that WE DIDN'T MAKE THEM.
The Unofficial Smilie Dictionary:

      :-)   Your basic smilie. This smilie is used to inflect a sarcastic or
            joking statement since we can't hear voice inflection over Unix.
  
      ;-)   Winky smilie. User just made a flirtatious and/or sarcastic remark.
            More of a "don't hit me for what I just said" smilie.

      :-(   Frowning smilie. User did not like that last statement or is upset
            or depressed about something.
  
      :-I   Indifferent smilie. Better than a Frowning smilie but not quite as 
            good as a happy smilie
  
      :->   User just made a really biting sarcastic remark. Worse than a :-).
  
      >:->  User just made a really devilish remark.
  
      >;->  Winky and devil combined. A very lewd remark was just made.
     

Those are the basic ones... Here are some somewhat less common ones:

      (-:   User is left handed
  
      %-)   User has been staring at a green screen for 15 hours straight
  
      :*)   User is drunk
  
      [:]   User is a robot
  
      8-)   User is wearing sunglasses
  
      B:-)  Sunglasses on head
  
      ::-)  User wears normal glasses
  
      B-)   User wears horn-rimmed glasses
  
      8:-)  User is a little girl
  
      :-)-8 User is a Big girl
  
      :-{)  User has a mustache
  
      :-{}  User wears lipstick
  
      {:-)  User wears a toupee
  
      }:-(  Toupee in an updraft
  
      :-[   User is a Vampire
  
      :-E   Bucktoothed vampire
  
      :-F   Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing
  
      :-7   User juust made a wry statement
  
      :-*   User just ate something sour
  
      :-)~  User drools
  
      :-~)  User has a cold
  
      :'-(  User is crying
  
      :'-)  User is so happy, s/he is crying
  
      :-@   User is screaming
  
      :-#   User wears braces
  
      :^)   User has a broken nose
  
      :v)   User has a broken nose, but it's the other way
  
      :_)   User's nose is sliding off of his face
  
      :<)   User is from an Ivy League School
  
      :-&   User is tongue tied.
  
      =:-)  User is a hosehead
  
      -:-)  User is a punk rocker
  
      -:-(  (real punk rockers don't smile)

      :=)   User has two noses
  
      +-:-) User is the Pope or holds some other religious office
  
      `:-)  User shaved one of his eyebrows off this morning
  
      ,:-)  Same thing...other side
  
      |-I   User is asleep
  
      |-O   User is yawning/snoring
  
      :-Q   User is a smoker
  
      :-?   User smokes a pipe
  
      O-)   Megaton Man On Patrol!  (or else, user is a scuba diver)
  
      O :-) User is an angel (at heart, at least)
  
      :-P   Nyahhhh!
  
      :-S   User just made an incoherent statement
  
      :-D   User is laughing (at you!)
  
      :-X   User's lips are sealed
  
      :-C   User is really bummed
  
      <|-)  User is Chinese
  
      <|-(  User is Chinese and doesn't like these kind of jokes
  
      :-/   User is skeptical
  
      C=:-) User is a chef
  
      @=    User is pro-nuclear war
  
      *<:-) User is wearing a Santa Claus Hat

      :-o   Uh oh!
  
      (8-o  It's Mr. Bill!

      *:o)  And Bozo the Clown!

      3:]   Pet smilie

      3:[   Mean Pet smilie

      d8=   Your pet beaver is wearing goggles and a hard hat.

      E-:-) User is a Ham radio operator

      :-9   User is licking his/her lips

      %-6   User is braindead

      [:-)  User is wearing a walkman

      (:I   User is an egghead

      <:-I  User is a dunce

      K:P   User is a little kid with a propeller beenie

      @:-)  User is wearing a turban

      :-0   No Yelling!  (Quiet Lab)

      :-:   Mutant Smilie

            The invisible smilie

      -)    User only has one eye

      ,-)   Ditto...but he's winking

      X-(   User just died

      8 :-) User is a wizard

      C=}>;*{))  Mega-Smilie... A drunk, devilish chef with a toupee
                 in an updraft, a mustache, and a double chin
     

Note: A lot of these can be typed without noses to make midget smilies.

      :)    Midget smilie
  
      :]    Gleep...a friendly midget smilie who will gladly be your friend
  
      =)    Variation on a theme...
  
      :}    What should we call these? (what?)
  
      :)    Happy
  
      :>    what?
  
      :@    what?
  
      :D    Laughter
  
      :I    Hmmm...
  
      :(    Sad
  
      :[    Real Downer
  
      :<    what?

      :{    what?
  
      :O    Yelling
  
      :C    what?
  
      :Q    what?
  
      :,(   Crying
  
      []    Hugs and
  
      :*    Kisses
  
      |I    Asleep
  
      |^o   Snoring  

      :-`   smiley spitting out its chewing tobacco

      :-1   smiley bland face

      :-!   smiley bland face

      :-@   smiley face screaming

      :-#|  smiley face with bushy mustache

      :-$   smiley face with it's mouth wired shut

      :-%   smiley banker

      :-6   smiley after eating something sour
        
      :^)   smiley with pointy nose (righty)

      :-7   smiley after a wry statement

      8-)   smiley swimmer

      :-*   smiley after eating something bitter
 
      :-&   smiley which is tongue-tied

      :-0   smiley orator

            smiley invisible man

      (:-(  sunsmiley frowning

      (:-)  smiley big-face

      ):-)		"

      ):-(  unsmiley big-face

      )8-)  scuba smiley big-face

      =:-)  smiley punk-rocker

      =:-(  (real punk rockers don't smile)

      +:-)  smiley priest

      :-q   smiley trying to touch its tongue to its nose
 
      :-e   disappointed smiley

      :-t   cross smiley

      :-i   semi-smiley

      :-o   smiley singing national anthem

      :-p   smiley sticking its tongue out (at you!)

      :-[   un-smiley blockhead

      :-]   smiley blockhead

      :-{   smiley variation on a theme

      :-}   ditto

      {:-)  smiley with its hair parted in the middle
 
      }:-)  above in an updraft

      :-a   lefty smilely touching tongue to nose

      :-s   smiley after a BIZARRE comment

      :-d   lefty smiley razzing you

      g-)   smiley with ponce-nez glasses

      :-j   left smiling smilely

      :-k   beats me, looks like something, tho.

      :-l   y. a. s.

      :-:   mutant smiley

      :-\   undecided smiley

      :-|   "have an ordinary day" smiley

      ;-)   winking smiley
 
      :-<   real sad smiley

      :->   y.a.s.

      :-z   y.a.c.s.

      :-x   "my lips are sealed" smiley

      :-c   bummed out smiley

      :-v   talking head smiley

      :v)   left-pointing nose smiley
   
      :-b   left-pointing tongue smiley

      :-/   lefty undecided smiley
 
      :-?   smilely smoking a pipe

      .-]   one-eyed smilely

      ,-}   wry and winking

      0-)   smiley cyclops (scuba diver?)
 
      :-=)  older smiley with mustache

      :u)   smiley with funny-looking left nose

      :n)   smiley with funny-looking right nose
 
      :<    midget unsmiley

      :>    midget smiley

      }:^#})  mega-smiley:  updrafted bushy-mustached pointy nosed smiley
              with a double-chin
     

More smilies:

      :-)       ha ha

      ~~:-(     net.flame

      |-)       hee hee

      O |-)     net.religion

      |-D       ho ho

      :->       hey hey

      8 :-I     net.unix-wizards

      :-(       boo hoo

      X-(       net.suicide
  
      :-I       hmm

      E-:-I     net.ham-radio
  
      :-O       uh oh

      >:-I      net.startrek
  
      :-P       nyah nyah

      3:o[      net.pets
  
      |-P       yuk
  
      :-}       beard
  
      :-{       mustache
  
      :-#       braces
  
      :-X       bow tie
  
      :-Q       smoker
  
      <:I       dunce
  
      (:I       egghead
  
      @:I       turban
  
      8-)       glasses
  
      B-)       horn-rims
  
      8:-)      glasses on forehead
  
      :-8(      condescending stare
  
      ;-)       wink
  
      >:-<      mad
  
      :-(       Drama

      :-)       Comedy

      :-o       Surpise

      8-|       Suspense
  
      :-        Male

      >-        Female
  
      |-O       Birth

      8-#       Death
  
      8         Infinity
     

Emoticons:
To help telecom-sters clarify just how humorous their postings are intended to be, here is a collection of the many faces of humor, emoticon-style.

emoticon: n. a figure created with the symbols on a keyboard that is read with the head tilted to the left. Used to convey the spirit in which a line of text was typed.
Tilt your head slightly to the left to read the following emoticons.

      :-)         Humor
  
      :-) )-:     Masking theatrical comments

      :<)         For those with hairy lips

      :<)=        For those with beards too

      :/)         Not funny

      '-)         Wink

      P-)         Pirate

      ;-)         Sardonic incredulity

      (@ @)       You're kidding!

      :-"         Pursing lips

      :-v         Just another face (speaking) profiled from the side

      :-V         Shout

      -w          Speak with forked tongue

      :-W         Shout with forked tongue

      :-r         Bleahhh (sticking tongue out)

      :-f  or :-p  or  :-1  or :-,       smirks

      <:-O        Eeek!

      -*          Oooops (covering mouth with hand)

      :-T         keeping a straight face (tight-lipped)

      :-D         said with a smile

      -P  or  :-y  or  :-O    More versions of shouting

      :-[         Count Dracula

      =|:-)=      Uncle Sam

      7:)         Reagan

      :-#         Censored

      :-i         Smoking

      :-j         (and smiling)

      :/i         No smoking

      :-I         It's something, but I don't know what....

      :-x         Kiss kiss

      :->         Alternate happy face

      :-(         Unhappy

      :-c         Real unhappy

      -C          Unbelieving (jaw dropped)

      :-<         Forlorn

      -B          Drooling (or overbite)

      :-|         Disgusted

      :-?         Licking your lips

      <:>==       A turkey emoticon

      :-) :-) :-) Loud guffaw; also known as "ROFL" (rolling on floor laughing)

      -J          Tongue-in-cheek comments

      :*)         Clowning around

      :-8         Talking out both sides of your mouth

      (:-)        Msgs dealing with bicycle helmets

      @=          Warning about nuclear war

      <:-)        For dumb questions

      o=          A burning candle for flames

      -=          A doused candle to end a flame

      OO          Headlights on msg

      :_)         I used to be a boxer, but it really got my nose out of joint

      B-)         Smiling and wearing glasses or sunglasses

                  (or a message from Batman)

      8-)         Same as previous; also used to denote wide-eyed look

      #:-):-)     done by someone with sort of matted hair

      :-o         "Oh, nooooooo!" (a la Mr. Bill)

      #:-o        Same as previous
 
      |-(         Late night messages

      :^)         Messages teasing people about their noses

      :-[#]       Messages teasing people about their braces

      (:-$        Message indicating person is ill...

      (:-&        Message indicating person is angry...

      (:-(        Message indicating person is VERY sad...

      (:^(        Message concerning people with broken noses

      :<)         Message concerning blabber mouths

      -(=)        Message about people with big teeth

      &:-)        Message from a person with curly hair

      @:-)        Message from a person with wavy hair

      ?-(         Message about people with a black eye

      *:*         Message about fuzzy things

      *:**        Message about fuzzy things with fuzzy mustaches

      -)          Message about people with broken glasses

      +<:-|       Message from a monk/nun...

      [0-)        Message from cyclops...

      (:-|K-      Formal message.

      ...---...   S.O.S.

      @%&$%&      You know what that means...

      ||*(        Handshake offered

      ||*)        Handshake accepted

      <&&>        Message concerning rubber chickens

      < ><        Message about/to someone wearing argyle socks

      B|^2B       Message about Shakespeare

      (-_-)       Secret smile

      [:-)]       Message in a bottle...

      <:-)<<|     Message from a space rocket...

      (:-...      Heart-breaking message...

      <<<(:-)     Message from a hat sales-man...

      (O--<       A fishy message...

      (:>-<       Message from a thief: hands up!

      I==I)       A message on four wheels

      8^}         Befuddled

      8^{         sad